Saturday, June 16, 2012

Everybody Lies?

I'm not a minority when talking about being lied to. We've all been lied to, and we’ve all lied to someone at some point. Here is the definition of a LIE:

1.) false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a false hood.
2.) something intended or serving to convey a false impression; imposture
3.) an inaccurate or false statement.
4.) the charge or accusation of lying
5.) to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive.
6.) to express what is false; convey a false impression.
As I've gotten older (I won’t say wiser here, just older), I've tried very hard to always be honest, even when I've screwed up and/or done something awful. I’m old enough to own whatever mistakes I've made, and God knows, I've made my fair share and then some. This philosophy, however, doesn't seem to be shared by others. In case you’re not clear on the definition of truth (which some people apparently aren't), here’s the definition of TRUTH:

1.) the true  or actual state of a matter
2.) conformity with fact or reality
3.) a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like
4.) the state or character of being true.
5.) actuality or actual existence.

How many times have you taken for granted the fact that someone you cared for would never lie to you? Yeah, we’ve all done it. But to be fair, no one should fault themselves for trusting another person. It’s in our nature, and it’s one of the truly good things about a person; their ability to trust. I would like to believe there is good in everyone, and I try really hard to see it (don’t laugh here, I mean it. I don’t always do the best job, but I do TRY at least). Having faith in someone is gifting them with your trust, and trust is most definitely a gift. The definition of TRUST:

1.)reliance on the integrity, strength, ability,surety, etc., of a person or thing;confidence.
2.) confident expectation of something; hope.
3.) a person on whom or thing on which one relies
4.) the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.

Understanding why you have been lied to or deceived is part of the healing process, a way for us to forgive, so that hurt doesn’t fester within us and grow as ugly as the lies that planted the suspicion, anger, distrust and hurt in the first place.
Most people lie for a reason. They lie to protect themselves, to protect someone they care about, out of insecurities about themselves, out of fear of rejection by others. They lie to gain something. There are so many reasons why people lie, but how do you get over someone you trust lying to you when you have no idea what that reason is, because the lies are so varied, abundant and most of them seem to have no rhyme or reason for ever being told in the first place?

You have to realize that person truly has a problem. Here something I found that explains a COMPULSIVE LIAR:

Usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary.  For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

What a sad life a compulsive liar must lead. So sad, in fact, that all I can do at this point is feel sorry, not only for them, but for the people who remain in their life, both family and friends. Once people know someone is a liar, they never look at them the same. How awful to live your life wondering each time someone looks at you, if they doubt everything you say. I couldn’t imagine how painful and lonely the life of a compulsive liar must be. How could anyone hold a grudge against such a person? I know I can’t. All I can feel is compassion, sympathy and the hope that some day they get the psychiatric help they need to be able to lead a healthy, normal and productive life.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Leaving the Darkness Behind...

Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't mean you no longer have feelings for someone. It means your feelings have changed and you can live with that, your happiness is no longer tied in any way, shape or form to that person and it means letting go doesn’t hurt anymore.

Funny thing about that light…when you’re happy, you’re really happy. It’s an honest feeling. It’s not a fleeting moment. It’s REAL. I can’t remember the last time I was happy with me. Just me. I finally am. I feel good about who I am, who I have become. It’s no longer dependant on anyone else, or their opinion of me.

It doesn’t mean I don’t still love. I do. Openly and honestly. I always have, I would guess I always will. The big difference is I don’t NEED to be loved back to be happy. I don’t require sacrifice from anyone, nor am I willing to sacrifice myself in the ways I have in the past. I feel good about this. Really good.

I love my life just the way it is. I answer to no one (well, unless I’m at work, then my two bosses can tell me what to do…they DO sign my check after all). But in my personal life, I have finally realized something. I always talk about the best time in my life being when I was 21-23 years old.

Thinking about it now, it was the only time in my adult life that I wasn’t with a man (okay, so I was with a few men, but let’s not go there). What I mean is I was my own person. I was not in a committed relationship. No one told me what I could or couldn’t do. I was married at 23 years old, and have spent the last 19 years trying to make men happy. I thought my happiness depended on that. Not so much.

So for the record, I have no plans to change my personal life any time soon. Would I like to have a man in my life? If his name is Gerard Butler…you betcha (okay, maybe if he’s not, but just Scottish)! I no longer need to have a man “love” me for me to feel validated or happy. In fact, it’s pretty much had the opposite effect for years now. Now I live for me.

Walking in the light is a beautiful thing! 

Now I’m going to finish cleaning my room…because I WANT to, not because I have a man telling me too.