I have used my blog many times just to work out my own feelings. Sometimes they have been very happy times, but more times than not, they are confusing or sad times. It’s just what I do; my own forum to say whatever I want. I’m typing this knowing I may, or may not, ever publish this to my blog (obviously I did).
There are choices we make in life we never look back on. We never question. My life was like that until about 4 years ago. The last four years have been a constant battle, mind over heart, heart over mind. I spent so many years, closed off emotionally, that when I finally opened up, boy did I open up. To the point of stupid.
There are things that even my closest friends don’t know. Things I have never shared with anyone. Often, our emotions lead us down very dark roads. Roads so dark, we can no longer see the path we should choose. I like the dark, I crave the dark. The dark enfolds me and makes me feel alive. I cease to just exist and start living while fighting my way through the dark.
Only problem with the dark? Well, you can’t see your nose in front of you, much less anything else. So while feeling your way through the dark, (because, let’s face it, you can’t
SEE, now can you?) how the heck do you know you’re making the right
decisions? YOU DON’T! Scary part, fun part, exciting part, STUPID part.
So into the light I have walked. Such a harsh reality. I don’t care for it, if I’m at all honest. It’s hard to hide all the glaring truths in the light. You can now see not only your own ugly side, but those around you who have hidden so well in your self-imposed darkness. I think I shall wander back into the gloom for a bit. I’m not quite ready to bask in the bright sun….yet.