Saturday, February 16, 2008

Miss Cellphone Rude Smart-Ass Witch

If you ever wonder why the world seems to be going to hell in a hand basket, visit your local high school. I can't quite figure out if it's absent parents, or just incompetent parents that are turning teens into disrespectful little peckerheads.

I went to the grocery store this afternoon, which is my least favorite thing to do. I had my seven year old daughter with me, so when I witnessed an altercation, right in front of us, I didn't stick around to see if it came to blows. Here's how the scene played out.

Picture a well-dressed couple, early 50's. They are waiting patiently behind a very cute girl, I would say in the 15-17 age range. She has an empty cart, and has her pink razor glued permanently to her pretty little ear. She has stopped, and suddenly decides for whatever reason, that she no longer wants to go up that isle, so she backs up.

I am also waiting patiently for this poor confused girl to figure out if she is coming or going. I watch as she backs right into previously mentioned couples cart. She must have Novocained her backside, because she didn't even flinch. She simply turned her cart, and headed the other direction without so much as a glance to see what her teeny-bopper-butt came into contact with.

The woman looked at her husband and said:

"Just like in cars, people on cell phones don't pay attention to what's going on around them."

I took it as an observation, smiled at the couple and nodded my agreement as they proceeded up the isle vacated by Miss Cellphone, and I started past them.

Miss Cellphone may have had a numb butt, but her hearing must have been just fine. She stopped abruptly, turned, walked the three feet back over to the nice couple, and started practically yelling at them:

"Do you have a problem? Do you have a problem with me?"

This was a really cute kid, till she opened her fat, smart-ass mouth. Having my 7 year old, Tessa, with me, I opted not to hang around and rubber neck, although you could hear her voice about 5 isles over, because the husband, like any good man, defended his wife and her comment, laying blame where it belonged, on the petite shoulder of Miss Cellphone Rude Smart-Ass Witch.

Manager's were called over, and I finished up my shopping in relative peace. That is, until said couple parked their basket at the check-out lane next to mine. I couldn't keep my mouth shut (big shocker for those that know me).

"If I were that girl's parent, I would be MORTIFIED by her behavior back there. If any of my kids ever disrespected an adult like that girl did to you guys, I would not only take that cell phone away, I'd wash her mouth out with soap!" I, of course, had raised my voice to be heard over the beeping of the scanners and sacks being filled with groceries.

The couple nodded, people looked at us curiously, and suddenly, there appears Miss Cellphone Rude Smart-Ass Witch with her Momma! She was about 5 feet away, and had now turned her "you pickin on my baby" stare to me. I glanced back to the couple, who had heard the girl pointing them out to Momma (who I could take BTW...she was all of about 5 foot tall, and didn't look none too tough), and I asked them, "So is that her mom?"

The man shrugged and said "It appears to be".

I then turned my glare on the mother of this spawn, looked her in the eye, and said, "If she were my daughter, I'd be embarrassed by her behavior."

I turned back to the cashier, who had the amazing ability to never miss a second of the drama while scanning my groceries with the efficiency of a robot, and she said, "What happened?"

This piqued the interest of the woman on the isle behind my cashier, as well as the woman in front of the accosted couple. Momma was also still drilling a hole in my back, so I loudly relived the moment that had caused my tirade about how awful teenagers are. Then I went on to voice my opinion of parents who raise smart-ass cell-phone talking little witches who have NO manners or respect.

Wouldn't you know it....Momma AND Miss Cellphone Rude Smart-Ass Witch left their empty cart where it was and headed out the door.

Out of shame; fear of the restless natives that all agreed it was time to bring lynching back; or just because they were obviously out-numbered and didn't want to try and have a verbal altercation with a dozen of us, who knows why they bolted.

In a perfect world, that woman would have made her daughter apologize to that couple, in front of God and everyone. Considering it's not perfect, she should at the very least have a house fall on her when she grows up.


Mary Duncan said...

HA! What a great story, and so true! I swear, cell phones are the scourge of the earth. Everything gets impaired by the electromagnetic interference of the brain, so manners, good judgement, courtesy and just plain common sense fly out the other ear. I don't know how many times I told people to put the phone down when they're in a public place.

I especially loved it when I working as a florist and a man walked into the store (with one of those phones that are permanently attached to one's ear) and attempted to place an order for flowers with me while talking on the phone. I ignored him. He seemed to have taken the hint, but walked out and never returned. Good riddance, I say.

People like that piss me off something fierce. What would they do without those blasted appendages now, I wonder? Could they function? Would they regain their human being status, or be like Stephen King's book, Cell, just zombies? I'm voting for the latter.


Merrymags said...


I laughed at this all the while shaking my head in disgust. I agree with EVERYTHING you said. I as get older (Argh!) I realize that so many of the things my mom said to me growing up were correct -- and now I sound just like her to to my sons.

I have to say that I consider myself blessed with having an autistic child, a child who's taught us so much about what's really important in life, and drives home that: tolerance, awareness, consideration, compassion, manners, these and many more skills and attributes, are lost to this young generation because late-stage Baby Boomers, having learned them, have fallen short on handing down these things. I realize this is a sweeping statement, but you recognize, I'm sure, a certain truth.

TerriRainer said...

We all turn into our mothers when we get older!

*Because I said so.....

*Don't make me come in there.....

*I'm going to give you to the count of three.....

*Don't think I won't spank you in front of ALL these people.....

*Do you need an attitude adjustment.....

*I brought you into this world, I can take you out.....

*Stop making unnecessary noise.....

My list of mom-isms goes on and on!

Marisa said...

I couldn't agree more! I hate kids like that, especially since you know they can't possibly be talking about anything remotely important, unless you consider what shirt you're going to wear to the mall on Friday night when you spend about 6 hours loitering and getting in the way of everyone else important. I would like to blame Paris Hilton or MTV for this cultural phenomena known as stupid oblivion, but I don't know who is to blame more.

Suzanne said...

I found you through Skeeter and thought I'd stop by. I'm glad I did. Thank you for that one! Once in a while I meet a really remarkable, thoughtful, kind, responsible, well mannered kid, but not often. It's as if the world's turned all wacky. I'm not sure where to place blame.

Thanks for a good read. I'll be back. Oh, one final note, I took Skeeters damn Air Force test. I'm up to 15.454 seconds! On my first attempt I got a whopping .2! Obviously I'm improving!

Talk to you soon ~
XO Suzanne

Robyn said...

Can I get an AMEN! Thank you for this post! Nothing more to say about there! LMAO!

Skeeter said...


Post something new here, I'm dying! I'm "visiting" Turkey for awhile and just got internet access. Before I left home, I talked to Mel about how well your rewrites were coming along. Keep on trucking with 'em, they're great! Talk with you later.

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Sad, but familiar story. The boundary between adults and children, which was once quite clear, is now rubbed almost invisible these days, thanks to parents who try to hard to be their kids' friends. Kids have enough friends; they only have one set of parents (set, if they are lucky, of course). Good post.

And thanks for popping in today!!! Did you see my post this week about the disgusting teen boy in the grocery store?? I'm sure you'd love it :)

LiteralDan said...

I don't think I would have had the guts to jump in the way you did, but I'd sure be nodding my approval if I was there.

Cell phones and teenagers both make me feel like a grouchy old man at 26.