Saturday, November 10, 2012

Mid-Life Crisis & Tattoo Therapy

Well, since it appears that my mid-life crisis is still in full swing (for quite a few years now), what better way to commemorate it than with my first tattoo? That’s right. I got a tattoo at 42 years old. I only told a few people I was getting one, and they all assumed it would have a Scottish theme, perhaps something Celtic? Alas, no.

I think many people have had a preconceived notion about me. Just because I didn't have any tattoos never meant I disliked them. I just never had a good enough reason to get one myself. I always said if I had a reason, I’d get one.

I've had a lot of time to think and reflect lately. In doing so, I realized that I have spent the last five years trying to discover who I was as a person, not a label (i.e. Mom, wife, girlfriend, etc). I've made some serious judgment errors during this journey. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me, lots of “wrong turns”.

The one constant for me was my best friend, my rock. He helped me in more ways than I think he’ll ever be able to understand. Without trying, he taught me so many things about myself. He taught me to be myself, to love openly and honestly, he taught me many lessons in trust and even more important, lessons in forgiveness.

I think he is the only man I've ever loved unconditionally. We’re all human and have our share of baggage and faults, he is no different there. The difference has always been his inability to hide what was in his soul, who he was deep inside, from me. That gift, that insight into another person, has helped me look at myself in a whole new light.

My journey is not complete; no one’s journey is until the day they take their last breath. But I know that without him being a big part of my life these last five years, I wouldn't be the person I am becoming, and I kinda like me right now. I’m stronger, more independent and have realized that my happiness is only dependent on ME. No one else.

I still have a lot to learn about myself, and tons of things to work on, I’m so far from perfect it’s not even funny, but I know I’m on the right track and I know I wouldn't be where I am without my Aussie Rock and the many lessons I've learned from him.

That being said, I decided to immortalize the last five years of my journey & the lessons I've learned with my first tattoo. No matter where my journey leads me next, this will be a constant reminder of how much I've learned, grown and changed in this time of my life.
*I should also add I decided to cover up a large part of a birthmark on my upper arm, so the red you see outside the tattoo is actually the birthmark, not a result of the tattoo. There's also a small heart at the bottom right. This was the day I got the tattoo, so it will get clearer over the next week I'm told (or I'll go back and have it done bigger & darker if it doesn't).