Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Thousand word short story

Well, here it is, in it's thousand word glory. I don't have a title yet, but any comments are always appreciated (even the BAD ones!).


Georgia was cold; colder than she had ever been while she was alive. She wandered through the halls of the hospital, not able to see her surroundings. Everything that she looked at appeared as though someone had smeared a thin layer of Vaseline over her eyeballs. No matter how hard she tried, she could never seem to clear up her vision.
She had no concept of time. How long had she been in this awful hell, a day, a week, a year? She thought of that cold day in November. She had walked the twelve blocks to the hospital and collapsed just inside.
She awoke some time later. Her arms and legs felt like over-filled sand bags. Even her eyelids were heavy. Try as she might, she couldn’t open her eyes. She would drift in and out, trying with all her might to stay awake.
At one point during her semi-conscious state, she could hear a strange noise. It reminded her of the day her Daddy had been out back sawing at the big Oak tree that had been struck by lighting. It almost seemed funny that the noise came and went with each breath.
As time continued to drag by, things became more confusing. She could move now. In fact, it took almost no effort. There must be something wrong with her voice or her hearing though. Every person that she tried to talk to ignored her and it seemed that everyone was always whispering around her. They just acted like she wasn’t even there. Down right rude they were.
She wasn’t sure how much time went by before she realized that she was dead. She knew that it was getting harder to see things. The walls, the floor, even the people seemed to change inexplicably from one minute to the next. Of course there was that time thing again. How slow or fast does time really travel when you’re dead? How was she ever going to find her way out? Weeping, Georgia curled herself up in a small ball and huddled in the corner of the room on the second floor that she had died in. She prayed that this was just a bad dream that she would wake up from, knowing full well that she would never be able to actually sleep again. She screamed out in anger and frustration, knowing no one would hear her…some one did.

Georgia was unsure how much time had passed when she heard his voice. At first it sounded like a low hum. Then it became clearer.
“Who are you?” The voice said. “Can you hear me? I only want to help you.”
Georgia looked about frantically, trying to locate the man that seemed to be speaking to her.
“I’m here! Please, I’m so frightened.” Georgia pleaded.
Before her, she could see the outline of a man, a very tall man. She concentrated, willing herself to be seen. She knew there had to be a way, it was just so tiring, but now might be her only chance.
Georgia heard the man’s intake of breath as she watched him come into focus. He stood to her right, and a pale blue glow emanated from him. His eyes were the same striking color, framed with dark lashes and long dark hair blanketed his shoulders. He was dressed in a purple and black flowing robe.
“My name is Gerard, I am Gede. Your cries have summoned me to release you from this hell you are trapped in. You have but to take my hand.” As he reached out, Gerard could sense the girl’s heart racing. It made him ache with need. He knew the only way to release her spirit so she could move on from this place, was to sever the last cord that bound her to the physical world. To do that, she would have to give herself to him. This was certainly no hardship to him, as she was a stunningly beautiful young woman. Regardless of what her physical appearance had been, he felt hope that her spirit would be the one that he had been searching for; the one to complete him.
Desperate for any warmth, Georgia slid her hand into his. The sensations that filled her upon his touch were electric, but as he pulled her against his hard chest, she experienced heat like she had known neither in life, nor certainly not in death. His mouth was everywhere at once. Her hands clutched at anything to anchor herself to him. There was no more thought, no more pain and longing, just pleasure. Biting, overpowering, excruciating. She felt as if she would fly apart into millions of pieces.
The Gede spirit used his gift of pleasure to prepare Georgia for her departure from the veil, the world between the living world and the spirit world. Sensing her building need, Gerard became one with her, spirit joining spirit in a timeless dance. He could feel her quiver, as his energy grew larger inside her.
As the air around them began to spark, Georgia threw herself back and let out a joyous scream that seemed to push the Gede to join his deep voice with hers. He gave one last thrust, and Georgia was gone.
Gerard stood rooted to the spot. He knew that the woman, Georgia, had now crossed the veil and was at peace. He, however, was still searching; searching for that woman that would redeem him, the one who would set him free. He knew she was out there; the Baron, Lord of the Gede, had foreseen their joining. With that coupling, there would be peace for Gerard, and a thousand lifetimes to live with one woman, one true soul mate. Gede spirits used the gift of libido to release trapped souls. It had been rewarding the first millennia, but it had become a lonely existence and he longed for more. If only he could find her, the one who would set him free. Perhaps next time…

Terri Rainer copyright 2008

9 comments:

poetic scotland said...

I am intrigued - captivating reading.

How's about a title of:

Lost within walls of time?

Mary Duncan said...

Oohh, Terri! I love the story!!! The premise of working with a spirit as if he were alive ... captivating! I got a little goosebumpy, even. It certainly makes ME want to read more. It should be published without a second thought. Good luck!

Mary

TerriRainer said...

Thanks Poetic Scotland! Titles are tricky business for sure!

And Mary, thanks for the kind words. I think it has potential to be a pretty cool book, if I ever tire of the historical romance, so I will definitely hang on to the idea. I did write it so that I could have a series of short stories about Gerard (and NOOO, he's not actually named after Butler, but the Catholic Saint that is "closely related" to the Gede by the Haitian Voodoo practitioners).

I actually didn't make up the Gede, or the Baron, their leader, although I of course did use quite a bit of creative license with Gerard! LOL

Hope the third book is coming along well!

:) Terri

Mary Duncan said...

Well, when you called him Gerard, I did place his pretty face on the man. Who wouldn't?

Yes, the third book, still untitled, is coming along nicely. I just finished a birth scene. Nope. Not Catrìona, and since I've not had the pleasure of giving birth, but know everyone who has, it was a bit like living vicariously for a moment - without the pain!

Keep up the good work!

Mary

Bill said...

Great story and congrats on getting published!
ill

TerriRainer said...

Thanks Bill! Now we'll see if it does me any good (i.e. I can now honestly tell an agent that I have a body of work, well, okay, maybe more like a body-part of work!).

:) Terri

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Holy Cow, Terri! I am so sorry I have not been here in so long! I'm just blown away! Apparently, my feed to your blog has not been working! I'm going to have to go WAY back (but I look forward to it.) I'll be back (I MUST get to bed!)

P.S. Did you ever read the edits I sent? Did I remember to send them to you again? I thought I did, but....

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Okay, I came back and read this, finally, and it was worth the wait; great stuff. Very creative and well-written. Since you asked,

1) "as his energy grew larger inside her." Maybe it's just the genre, but this line creeps me out (sorry) Is it mean to imply that his you-know-what grew inside her? cuz that just crosses the graphic line to me (again, sorry!)

2)"searching for that woman that would redeem him" should be for that woman who would redeem him.

3) "as he pulled her against his hard chest" The word "hard" doesn't ring true to me. Is there some other word that would fit?

The very first line was excellent; it was delightfully surprising, and the gentle but efficient transition to the plot was perfect. Great job. (and now, I realize I am reading what you said would be published in May, right?)

TerriRainer said...

Mrs.4444,

LMAO about #1! Well, here's the deal w/ the short story. It had to be UNDER 1000, and since it was a "Romance Magazine", she wanted SOME type of, er, physical contact. So I did try to be VERY vague, so not to offend, but on the same hand, for those with their mind in the gutter, they should be happy with the image that phrase dragged up!

#2& #3...Too late for those edits, but thanks for trying!

This was written in about 45 minutes, then it took another 45 minutes to revise it down to under 1000 words, so it wasn't an example of my BEST work, just an example of my work, lol.

:) Terri