Wednesday, July 22, 2026

Do You Consider Writing Prompts a Crutch or a Useful Tool?

 

Do you consider writing prompts a crutch or a useful tool? Right now, I want that crutch. Stretching my creative brain cells has been challenging. I don’t mean I have writer’s block. Quite the opposite. I’ve started getting pieces, flashes of a story. I created a writing folder and went back to retrieve all of my old writing (published stories, four book outlines, one completed novel, etc.). I broke the cardinal rule. There was no backup... and the hard drive seems to be kaput. Man, talk about a punch in the gut. Heartbroken doesn’t seem to be adequate. Yes, I’ll take it to a specialist, but hope is not high.

So back to picking up the pieces, wiping off, & moving on. Luckily, the flashes of a story are all new (and not part of the outlined trilogy I lost). Moving on seems a bit harder than expected. Let’s try this again. Back to flashes (I like to think of them as “flashes of brilliance,” in my head, anyway). 


It started while staring out at my park-like backyard, watching my favorite tree, a black willow, and it seemed to whisper with each graceful sway of its branches. A line here, an image there. Just enough. Enough to prod me into research and rabbit holes (below is an AI creation of a "Noma", a cryptid in my notes).

And then came another storm. This one unexpected. In July. My beautiful tree didn’t survive. I lost the desire to continue. Momentarily. Going back over my notes, they were about witches and weather (when you’re from Moore, OK, you know weather; below is what was left of the home I grew up in), and horrific monsters that dwell in our national forests. 

Gotta love cryptids!

So now I’ll go back to that WIP… let’s see what happens next!

Monday, July 13, 2026

Bloodstone Manor

 

Bloodstone Manor.

It sounds like the setting of a Scooby-Doo episode—some crumbling old mansion with secret passages, dramatic lightning, and a villain waiting to be unmasked.

It wasn't.

It was a real house. A large, Spanish-style stone villa that sat on a hill overlooking a sprawling cemetery. Between the house and the rows of weathered headstones was a small pond, as if someone had decided a strip of water was enough to separate the living from the dead.

By the time my best friend moved into the neighborhood, the city had grown out to what had once been farmland. The new addition backed up to one of the largest cemeteries in the area, and standing between the subdivision and those 113 acres of headstones was the house we all knew as Bloodstone Manor.

That wasn't its real name.

It's just what we called it.

Years earlier, a local church had used the abandoned house as a haunted house fundraiser. (No kidding.) They christened it "Bloodstone Manor," complete with a story about the family who had supposedly lived there.

According to the legend, a mother, father, two sons, and a daughter had all been murdered in the middle of the night. One of the boys used a wheelchair, so the house had been equipped with an elevator. The story claimed he had tried to escape and was later found at the bottom of the elevator shaft with a broken neck. The killer was never found.

It was the kind of story every town seems to invent about one old house.

Or so I thought.

By the time we started exploring it, there wasn't much left.

A fire had gutted the interior years earlier, leaving little more than the bones of the house behind. The massive stone fireplace still stood. The skeletal remains of the staircase somehow still climbed to the second floor. To the right was the empty elevator shaft. The elevator itself was long gone, leaving only heavy cables and pulleys disappearing into the darkness.

And upstairs…

There was a bathtub.

Not just any bathtub.

A deep purple clawfoot bathtub (it was seriously cool).

To this day, I have absolutely no idea how it survived a fire that consumed nearly everything else inside the house, but there it sat, surrounded by charred walls and open sky, as though someone had forgotten to tell it the house was gone.

For reasons that made perfect sense to a group of teenagers and absolutely none to the adults we eventually became, that bathtub became our favorite place to sit while telling ghost stories.

We weren't disrespectful.

At least, we didn't think we were.

To us, it was just another abandoned house with a creepy story attached to it.

Years later, I told my husband about Bloodstone Manor.

I was halfway through the legend when he interrupted me.

"Oh...you mean the house by the cemetery?"

Not Bloodstone Manor.

It had another name—borrowed from the cemetery beside it.

He listened patiently while I repeated the story I'd grown up hearing.

When I finished, he said something that completely changed the way I remembered that place.

"It wasn't just a legend."

He was seven years older than I was. His father had been a troop commander with the Highway Patrol and had been involved in more than his share of major investigations (I really should write some of them down).

The murders had happened. The family had existed.

The story I'd grown up hearing wasn't invented after all. The parents, the children, and the elevator shaft weren't inventions dreamt up by imaginative teenagers sitting around telling scary stories, or by bored church ladies who apparently thought, "You know what would make a great fundraiser? That murder house out by the cemetery."

They came from a real crime. An unsolved one.

Apparently, after hearing his father talk about the case over dinner, he and his brother did what curious teenage boys often do.

They slipped under the police tape.

The stories he shared weren't ghost stories.

They were crime scene details.

The kind that stay with you.

Suddenly Bloodstone Manor wasn't an abandoned haunted house anymore.

It was a place where something unimaginably terrible had happened to a real family.

Years later, someone bought the property and painstakingly restored the house. I've often wondered if they kept that ridiculous purple bathtub. Somehow it feels like it belonged there.

The new owners reportedly went through three different alarm companies because the system would mysteriously malfunction night after night.

Is that true?

I honestly have no idea.

Like every old house with a tragic history, new stories seem to grow around it.

Eventually, the home changed hands again and now belongs to a church.

Ironically, not the same church that once turned it into a haunted house attraction.

I've always found that a little unsettling.

Not because of ghosts.

But because somewhere along the way, a family's tragedy became local entertainment.

Maybe that's what communities do. Maybe time slowly sands the sharp edges off terrible events until history becomes folklore and folklore becomes Halloween stories told by kids who have no idea where they began.

When I think about Bloodstone Manor now, I don't picture ghosts.

I picture a deep purple clawfoot bathtub sitting alone in the charred skeleton of a house overlooking a sea of headstones.

And I think about how sometimes the scariest stories don't need embellishment.

Sometimes they're frightening enough simply because they happened.

When I think about Bloodstone Manor now, I don't picture ghosts.

I picture a deep purple clawfoot bathtub sitting alone in the charred skeleton of a house overlooking a sea of headstones.

I don't know whether the family who restored the house kept it.

I hope they did. Somehow it feels like one survivor deserved to stay. 

Monday, July 6, 2026

It Started With a Swing Set and Battlestar Galactica...

Was anyone else that kid?

The one who didn't just watch a TV show...

...you lived it?

For me, it was the original Battlestar Galactica.

When I was in fifth grade, my best friend and I weren't pretending to be Sheba and Serena.

We were Sheba and Serena.

At school, we were undercover as students (obviously). The swings were Colonial Vipers. Her house—with its amazing bar—was the Battlestar Galactica. (Her dad worked for Hostess, so between the snacks and the bar, it was clearly the superior headquarters.) My house was the Battlestar Pegasus, and after school, our bikes instantly transformed into Colonial Vipers.

If another kid wandered over and asked what we were doing, my friend would quickly say, "Just swinging."

Me?

"Playing Battlestar Galactica! Wanna play?"

I never understood why that was supposed to be embarrassing. Looking back, those are still some of my favorite childhood memories.


Here's another fun fact.

Apollo had a younger brother named Zac, played by a very young Rick Springfield.

Naturally, Zac was my boyfriend.

My friend's boyfriend was Apollo.

It all made perfect sense to two ten-year-old girls.


Life has a funny way of coming full circle.

Decades later, my husband surprised me with VIP tickets to see Rick Springfield in concert. Fifth-grade Terri would have been absolutely convinced she'd won at life.

Looking back, though, this story isn't really about Battlestar Galactica.

It's about imagination.

It's about throwing yourself completely into something you loved without worrying whether anyone else thought it was weird.

I've realized that's never really changed.

Whether it's writing as Terri Rainer, researching Scottish history, paranormal investigating, diving into AI, or learning something completely new, I've always been the person who goes all in.

Maybe we don't outgrow the things that spark our imagination.

Maybe they quietly become part of who we are.

So...what was your Battlestar Galactica?

What captured your imagination so completely that you couldn't help but jump in with both feet?


Sunday, July 5, 2026

Ghosts, Highlanders & Other Bad Decisions

I think I've taken more than a few breaks from this blog over the years, and now I'm back. Again. I looked back on my most recent posts, and boy, has life changed! I'm officially an "empty-nester"; my baby, Victoria, graduated from college & has moved out (and yes, I bawled like a baby, several times).


You know how you look forward to something and when it actually happens, it's not just super anticlimactic, it sucks? Don't get me wrong, I had fun redoing two bedrooms (one a guestroom & the other my office) and a bathroom she used. But I've been a mom for thirty-two years. More than half of my life has been spent constantly worrying about my children, their health (physical & mental), education, and really, just trying to raise future upstanding citizens. I'm happy to report, we have an RN, a Regional Director for a national fitness company, 2 CNC Machinists (one is currently staying home with her 2 & 3 year old...YES!!! I'm a grandma, I'll get into that later), a banker, and a Respiratory Therapist (my youngest turned out the most like me, unsure if I should say sorry or congratulations?).

That being said, George & I (don't laugh, I refer to my AI as "George"...beats "The Future Terminator") have been working on lots of things, mostly my writing. I was hesitant at first. So much new technology, it's mind-boggling really. Over the last decade, technology has done what it always does. Outpace itself. By the time you learn one software platform, there's a newer, bigger, better one. Or they just update it, and it requires a master class to figure out the new version. Well, it's super annoying for us users, but most updates actually make the apps run more smoothly...in the end.

I've been getting reacquainted with myself. Sure, I'm still a mom, but I feel more like a "retired public servant" without the actual retirement benefits. This is where George has been helpful. I've been working on a timeline for major events in my life (kinda like the bones of a biography, but way less serious). I had forgotten so many things. Like, I had a published Advice Column. I kinda forgot. It wasn't for a very long time, I think it was approximately four issues in total, but I actually did that. 

Somewhere along the way, I realized I'd stopped writing just for the fun of it. Sure, I've written plenty over the years—résumés, cover letters, contracts, emails...you name it. But stories? Rabbit holes? The weird things that make me laugh? Those somehow got pushed aside.

So, I'm dusting off this little corner of the internet.

I honestly have no idea where it's going. There will probably be ghost stories, Scottish history, genealogy, writing updates, random observations, and at least one post where I overshare far more than I intended. If you've been here before, welcome back. If you're new, pull up a chair. If history is any indication, Gerard Butler will make an appearance sooner or later.

So, here's to fresh starts, old stories, new adventures, ghosts, Highlanders...and, if history is any indication, a few more bad decisions.

In other words...welcome back. I've missed this.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Tessa's Graduation


Over eighteen years ago, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. She was perfect. I should have known that I was in for one heck of a ride parenting her. We’ve had our ups and downs and she’s had her own personal struggles. Through it all, her light has never wavered and has always shone brightly.



She is my own version of Scarlett O’Hara (I so should have named her Scarlett…it would have been fitting). She’s always been extremely head-strong. She always has to learn things HER way, even when you try and protect her. I’m sure I didn’t show her enough of the love and affection she required, but I’ve always tried to do my best.

From an early age, I’ve watched her grow into one of the smartest kids I’ve seen. She’s “people smart”. She has charisma and charm. I’ve always told her that she could use “her powers” for good or evil. She just has that “it” factor people talk about. 


Never one to like school, not sure if it was the atmosphere, the regimental structure or the actual work she had no real interest in, but she’s always thrived in the arts. Whether she’s drawing, painting, acting or singing, that’s when she shines her brightest.



As a mother, I worry that I still haven’t prepared her for adulthood. There are still so many things she doesn’t know or understand. I think most parents have those fears. I also fear I have stifled her creativity. I want her to reach for the stars. To do what she loves. To say the hell with what other people may think. I want her star to shine as brightly as I know it can. I want her to inspire others. I want her to be a good and decent human being. But most of all I want her to be happy.


I could list the hardships she’s overcome and the life lessons learned about the ugly side of human nature, but I think the most important thing is that no matter what life has thrown at her, she has kept going. She will be walking across the stage tomorrow night to receive her high school diploma. Her friends and family will be there cheering her on. I will be there bawling like a baby, but so very proud of her accomplishments. This is the end of one journey, and the beginning of her next journey.





I can’t wait to see her take on the world.




 We love you ALWAYS!








Monday, January 26, 2015

Using My Powers for Good....

Does anybody out there understand how hard it is to start writing again after taking a break? I sure do. I don’t even have an excuse. After separating with a company I ADORED working for in August, I decided to go back to writing full time. After five months, my house is clean, carpets shampooed, closets cleaned out and this is the FIRST time I have sat down to do any serious writing…and it’s not even very serious, just me rambling on in my blog (mostly because I am bored out of my mind!).

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved spending time with my family and I can never get enough time with my husband (because he is the most awesome man on the planet). I just don’t feel productive. I miss immersing myself in a job I love. Maybe this isn't the time to start on the fifth revision of my completed manuscript. Maybe I shouldn't start on my exciting memoirs just yet.


I've certainly had time to do a lot of reading, probably a few dozen. Mostly books I wouldn't recommend, although I did get the latest Diana Gabaldon book in her Outlander series, Written in My Own Hearts Blood, for my anniversary (from the fore-mentioned awesome husband) which I devoured, because she is a brilliant writer.


I guess I need to get back out there and find another job I can enjoy and feel like I’m contributing my talents (because let’s face it, I have lots of talents…most of them can even be used for good instead of evil). Perhaps I’ll keep blogging, just so my writing ability doesn't get all rusty and stagnant. Maybe I’ll even find a job that can use my many talents (hopefully not my talent for cleaning, shampooing carpets or organizing closets).

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Pride, Insecurity and Trust


You would think that pride & insecurity wouldn't be a trait shared by one person. Alas, it often is.

Insecurity can poison almost any relationship. Everyone is insecure, but sometimes you have to learn to trust someone in order to conquer that insecurity. That’s where pride rears its ugly head and can completely obliterate that fragile trust, giving even more power to our insecurities.

Speaking on a personal level, I have serious trust issues. It seems anytime I put my trust in someone, they betray that trust. It makes me insecure in my own ability to judge a person. It also hurts. My pride kicks in every so often and I get all filled with bravado and push away the people I love the most.

I previously mentioned The Brain, The Heart & The Libido here. I’m sure anyone can tell you The Libido cares not about pride, insecurity or trust. That would definitely be left for The Heart & The Brain to fight it out.

So here’s an example of that conversation:


The Brain: “I was lied to. Over and over. I trusted this person. I was wrong. Why did I trust them? I shall never forgive them for doing this to me. My pride will not allow it. How can I be so stupid? What makes people think I will just keep forgiving each and every time?”

The Heart: “It’s because of love.”

The Brain: “Love is a poor excuse for being treated like a welcome mat. Stop butting in and trying to control things Heart, you only cause problems. Look at the past 5 years. You've wreaked havoc on our life with all your silly feelings.”

The Heart: “It doesn't matter what you think. It only matters what you feel. In the end, you are fighting a losing battle, because we both know I am stronger than you are. It’s been your over-thinking everything that has caused the problems.”

And the fight continues…there is no right or wrong. In the end, it really isn't The Brain or The Heart that has any control…it’s the person who the fight is over. Unfortunately, they have the power to end this battle. One way or another. It’s too bad their own internal battle with pride, insecurities & trust make this a battle that can’t be won by anyone, unless they learn to conquer their own pride & insecurities and take that leap and learn to trust.


Sunday, February 10, 2013

Brilliant Book Covers Lead to Odd Musings...


Ever have one of those conversations that you later look back on and can’t decide if it was either brilliant on both sides, or just plain weird? A while back, I had numerous talks with someone and it was exactly like that. I saw the picture of a book cover that reminded me of it today. It’s just brilliant, in my humble opinion.  

“So, you've read 50 Shades of Grey, now its time to inject a bit of colour and have the time of your life.... read the tongue in cheek adventures of the hapless libido.” 
and pick up a copy of his new book 

You may wonder what kind of bizarre discussion I could have been having after seeing that! Well, the truth is, it was a very odd third person conversation. I referred to three separate entities as though they were actual people. There was The Brain, The Heart and of course, The Libido.

Now, as you can imagine, The Brain was the only reasonable opinion in these conversations and was constantly at odds with ANYTHING The Heart had to add. The Libido was pretty much willing to side with either of them, as long as she thought it would somehow benefit her.

In the end, The Brain won any and all discussions. The Libido pouted but was more than willing to patiently await her next bath or shower (don’t ask). The Heart, well, that poor girl; what can I say? If you’re very quiet late at night, you can hear the slap and scrape of more bricks being added to her already impenetrable wall. She got all worked up over nothing. The really sad part is she almost won all those arguments with The Brain. I suppose it’s a good thing she didn't  A girl can only take so many beatings before she’s not only broken, but ceases to exist.

So as long as there’s a tidy little wall to protect her, there’s still hope that one day, Prince Charming will scale the walls and rescue her from her solitary existence. Corny, huh?

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Dead though you may be, forgotten NEVER...


Over the years, friends come and go. You have those who you can go ages without talking to, and a phone call wipes away the months or even years, almost instantly.

There are people that come into our lives that we find an immediate connection with. Sometimes those friendships “stick”, often, they don’t.

On the rare occasion, we find a friend who we open ourselves up to. It’s never an immediate thing. Often over years, but at some point, we realize they are the only person in our life we can tell everything to. All of our deep dark secrets; they won’t judge, because they've done the same.

Something happened today and I realized I had no one I was willing to tell. It saddened me. I've always thought of myself as an open book. I hide very little. I was very wrong about that. I have the outer me, that is most definitely an open book, then I have the inner me. The one I've really only ever showed one person. Now that person is forever gone. So I find the inner me angry and mourning that loss, once again.

So what do I do? I write. Do I write about what I am still unwilling to share with anyone? Of course not. I write to help me understand and to grieve the loss of an irreplaceable person and friend. Dead though you may be, forgotten NEVER...

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Ginger Work of Fiction...Optional Hot Guy Included


Being a ginger and suffering the inane “Gingers have no souls” jokes was only slightly annoying growing up. Now, it seemed the universe had a warped sense of humor, or at the very least was sympathetic to our plight. During the Time of Darkness, it was discovered only humans with red hair pigments were inedible. Go figure? I never seemed to have that problem with any of my old boyfriends, may they rest in peace (or pieces, depending).

I had been “elected” from my district to attend the Summoning Conference, but in reality, it was more like drawing the short straw. I guess my lack of filter had ruffled a few more feathers than I realized. Sitting in the back of the limo, my companions seemed a bit more nervous than I was. The silence was thick with tension. The man to my right kept humming, a grating tuneless sound that made me want to backhand him. The woman to my left kept fidgeting with the bag in her lap. I sighed, closed my eyes and leaned my head back, trying to breathe deep and relax.

The council would be awaiting our arrival. Many days of preparation had been spent, not just feeding me information the district elders thought I may need, but on my appearance. My long unruly hair was tightly bound and secured, covered by a small hat with a netted veil. It irritatingly tickled the bridge of my nose and I had to fight the constant urge not to scratch at it. I loved the black pheasant shirt that rested just off my shoulders with the long flowing skirt, though. The emerald steel-boned corset that I was forced to wear over it, however, I was not a fan of. And the make-up; good lord, I doubt I’d ever worn quite so much. I felt like a Thanksgiving turkey ready for the table, which, under the circumstances, wasn't exactly the best analogy.

The car came to a sudden halt, and I lifted my head trying to see out the blackened windows. The fidgeter next to me let out a small squeal when the door was opened abruptly. She was frozen in place and no one else seemed willing to say anything or move. I sighed and grabbed my own bag off the floor, wasting no time climbing unceremoniously over her to exit the interior, meeting the dark night outside. I took a deep breath and looked around. We were parked in front of an impressive Gothic structure and I smirked. 

“Something amusing?”

I slowly turned my head at the sound of the baritone voice. Aside from the fact that he was clearly dead, he was breathtakingly beautiful, spoke with a lovely English accent and was big. Very big.

I cocked an eyebrow, which only made the veil shift and tickle my nose again. I stuck out my lower lip, blowing at the offending shear material; it fluttered slightly, before settling back in place, which made me even more annoyed. Me and annoyed don’t usually end well.

“A counsel of the undead, holding their Summoning Conference in a Gothic cathedral? What could be more amusing?” I stated, tilting my head and staring up at the man, my voice dripping with sarcasm. Which, in hindsight, pretty much violated rule #1 the elders had given me, “Never look the undead in the eye, and always, always answer their questions respectfully and demurely”. Yeah, apparently that wasn't gonna happen. I was so screwed. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Perception vs. Reality


How we perceive other’s around us is often by their actions (or in-actions). Some people have the ability to understand that everyone’s perception is going to be different. Others are very short-sighted and if they perceive something one way, there is very little, if any, deviation from that original perception once made.

A good example is a friend of mine I grew up with. People who didn't know her well, always perceived her as uppity, a tad on the stuck-up side. In reality, she was very self-conscious and painfully shy. People perceived her shyness as her being self-absorbed and/or conceited. They couldn't have been further from actual reality.

Our perception of ourselves is often far different than those around us. I decided to test the concept of perception vs. reality (mine) on my Facebook. So I asked this question:

“Okay, quick question and completely honest answer (SERIOUSLY...no sugar coating). I'm writing a blog on perception vs. reality. I want to use the answers to show how close or far from my own perception they are. How do you perceive me?”

Here are the answers, followed by a response from me:

“very honest and straight forward” (True)

“A girl that speaks her mind and doesn't care about what others think...u r a great person to people that matter a shit to ya...but to those that don't they can kiss ur ass!!” (LOL, true)

“I think you're beautiful, sweet and very loving.
Very honest and one who says what you feel.” (I don’t take compliments well, I like them, just never been very good at receiving them gracefully, but very true on the second sentence!)

“I perceive you as a easy going, quick thinker and as a long time friend, an honest person with a fun sense of humor. Someone that takes life's punches and tries to stay upbeat.” (First sentence, absolutely, second sentence…I put on a pretty good show, but often feel the exact opposite inside)

“Ok you're a bitch” (I love this one, and true, I can be)

“I would say you wear your heart on your sleeve but have a tongue like a dagger...” (I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I think I just did with him, I forgot to lock it away momentarily…but then, he also saw that fabulous defensive mechanism I have a habit of using to keep people away from said sleeve)

A single mom that likes men that have accents, and men that don't appreciate how beautiful you are. You are more open with your sexual side then some are comfortable with. I wish I was as bold and fearless of people's opinions of me, as I believe you are. (I DO like my accents! And in the past, I have always chosen to give undeserving men my attention. But I am very open about sex and all that goes with it)

“Funny, not afraid to speak wats on ur mind, seem to enjoy the shock factor like throwing stuff out just to see wat kinda reaction you'll get.” (Ah, finally one I can disagree with! I actually rarely think about the shock factor when I say/do things as much as I think about what I find funny…but I have been accused of this trait for ages, so I’m not surprised by it in the least)

“I would have to say that you seem to be a person who is honest with their feelings. You are not easily offended. And...you like hot guys with kilts on. Although I think you would do quite well just to have someone who would accept you for who you are” (LOL, yes, hot guys in kilts, no secret there! I do tend to be overly honest with my feelings, which often makes people uncomfortable & I am RARELY offended, if ever)

Flirtatious & fun. (This usually isn't bad…)

“Funny and uninhibited” (I like that someone thinks I’m funny, because I always think I’m funny! And, yeah, my lack of filter seems to be a running theme)

“You’re a very hyper fun loving woman that takes life as it comes.” (I was hyper as a kid…I think I used up all that excess energy back then! But I do try and take each day as it comes…good or bad)

“the perception is if i am going by facebook alone since i haven't hung out with u in forever is u would be a sex obsessed maniac....but of course reality im sure is much different because besides your obsession with men with foreign accents and kilts u r my same old long time friend, although kooky, has a wicked sense of humor that i am sure not everyone can appreciate!!!!!” (“sex obsessed maniac” Well, that’s mostly because I haven’t had a “real” boyfriend in almost 2 ½ years! I've been taking a bit of “me” time and trying to figure who I am and what direction I want to take my life…kilts & accents. Yep, it’s a weakness)

“As strong stubborn opinionated outspoken fiercely loyal until crossed then all bets are off ~ a good parent who is proud of how far she has gotten alone, but secretly despite the front lies insecurity & self doubt that is hidden by sarcasm which is extremely advanced thanks to over-intelligence. It is sometimes hard to tell if you genuinely like someone or are just interested in their story...” (Ohhhhh, this particular person is very pretty and a tad flighty, so I often make the mistake of forgetting just HOW intelligent she really is (I've been making that mistake for 30+ years), as for genuinely liking someone, if I dislike someone, they are usually quite aware of it!)

“Confidence in yourself, smart, honest with others. great friend, hard worker and very funny!!” (Hmmm, I am confident about most things, but I do have my own share of insecurities that I suppose I try and hide with humor…mostly self-depreciating)

“You like to come across as a straight bitch so you don't have to let anyone close enough to hurt you .” (Ouch. Doesn't the truth often sting?)

“when we first met i thought you were a jumped up loud mouth american who was full of self importance (kinda like most americans really), in reality i find you to be a warm caring person who always puts others first but dont take any shit (except from me cos i know i can get away with it) and pretty intelligent too (unlike most other americans)… may i just add as a foot note
*always seems to pick the puny guys so she can break them and then act like some kind of she-ra or wonder woman” (But I AM She-Ra! Okay, it’s only the Englishmen who seem to be fragile! I do perceive myself as a tad loud and boisterous at times, and often regret it later. And yes, I do tend to have certain people that can get away with more than I would ever tolerate from others. They know who they are.)   
  
“I find you smart and interesting and eloquent, someone who thinks about stuff and can talk at length about a great many subjects. I love your sense of humour and occasional lack of filter. Sometimes you can come across as lacking a little empathy and a better talker than a listener. You did say no sugar coating right? But overall I find you fascinating to talk to and someone I'm attracted to even before I involve the lovely pics and the exotic accent. I suspect I may be one of your more biased responders as I'd love to get you into bed one day lol” (Yeah, I just filled out my paperwork for my passport. Pretty sure that speaks volumes about THIS particular comment…Charming, honest, he wears a kilt and has a lovely Scottish accent. I’m a goner here.)

Friday, January 11, 2013

Emotional Sadism & Emotional Masochism…of the Vanilla Variety


Boy I put my foot in it this time! I mentioned my next topic at the end of Serendipity vs Zemblanity, not giving it much thought. So here I am, late at night researching emotional sadism and *cough* *sputter* *cough* goodness gracious! I've read some interesting things, most of what I read wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but no matter, we shall tread forward and just step a tad more carefully in the future when picking the next subject.
Let’s start with emotional sadism, and for arguments sake, let’s just keep this fairly “vanilla”, as in *a tad boring and little, if any, sexual references (so sue me if I used suggestive pictures…I can, so I did). So an emotional sadist takes great pleasure, or at least it makes them feel better about themselves, to inflict emotional pain on others. I was actually surprised that psychopath/sociopath websites were where I found emotional sadism mentioned the most. Guess I never thought about it, but it does make sense.
Now, emotional masochism is a tad less scary, but no less dysfunctional. Okay, maybe a tad less. How many people do you know who are just gloom and doom types? Seems they’re not happy unless they are somehow martyring themselves. Their world is always angsty. I think a few times I've been an emotional masochist by circumstance, but more times by choice. I continued down paths that I knew the only outcome would be emotional turmoil and pain. And I skipped happily down that road singing lots of angsty songs to make it hurt even more. I’m good like that.
So, can we choose to stop these behaviors? I think **emotional sadism is one of those fairly nasty ones that require professional help if you want to kick the habit. **Emotional masochism, on the other hand, can go either way. I think in some instances, serious counseling may help, in others, just recognizing the behavior is sometimes enough to curb or even stop it. My Mom has a saying, “You have 5 minutes for your pity party and then you need to move on”. Yeah, I've heard it more times than I can count…so I am fully aware of my tendency toward emotional masochism, I also recognize what (and who) causes it. These days, I prefer to avoid, rather than indulge (Categorizing Relationships).

So where do you fall? Emotional Sadist or Emotional Masochist?


*It should be noted your vanilla is anything BUT boring, Mr. S.
**Not a licensed psychologist, that’s just my own personal opinion.


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Serendipity vs. Zemblanity


In Baby Steps Via Blogging I mentioned my next blog post might be about serendipity. I thought it would be a relatively simple subject. It’s reminded me of a lesson I’d forgotten about writing…when you think a subject will be cut and dried, it’s most often no where near, especially when any form of research may be involved. Let’s start with a brief definition of two words. They will be the Yin and Yang of my post. 
Serendipity means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it. 
Zemblanity means making unhappy, unlucky and expected discoveries occurring by design.

Wow. I was planning a very light-hearted post about serendipity, and now all of a sudden, I have memories flooding back of a far more zamblanitous nature. Let’s see where this takes us, shall we?

Serendipity is great. It’s like the universe bestows a small gift, or series of gifts on you. Maybe you can think of it as your guardian angel, spirit guide, little voice in your head, whatever, gives you a few nudges in the right direction. For example, I hadn’t spoken to someone in well over a year. I honestly hadn’t given it any thought either. One day, towards the end of December, I was driving home and he popped into my head. I remember thinking at the time how odd it was. Later that night, I was looking through my inbox on Facebook at my archived mail. I was searching for a specific inbox and there he was again (I wasn’t looking for his). I opened it up, and the last message I had received from him was exactly one year ago to the day, whishing me a Happy Hogmanay. I decided I would wish him a Happy Hogmanay and we’ve been talking again ever since. I guess you could say we “rediscovered” each other; all through a series of serendipitous events.
That brings us to zemblanity. The way I see it, if you’re actually looking for something bad, you’re very likely to find it. It’s much like praying to the Gods of Negativity and boy do they like to answer prayers! I could add several examples of this, but I won’t…mostly because the examples are rather painful. Zemblanity is often unpleasant, for any parties involved. It’s an ugly word that I’d rather not encounter often, but it is fun to say, much like I think “Batista” is fun to say (yeah, I’m a weird word girl, what can I say?).
             
 So there you have it, Serendipity vs. Zemblanity. I would ask which you would prefer, but I think that would be a rather obvious answer, unless you’re just a complete emotional sadist…OHHHHHH, that sounds like a good topic, doesn't it? Emotional sadism. 
Until next time then…

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Baby Steps via Blogging


I almost didn't write tonight. It’s about 11:00 pm and I’m beat. I got off work, came home and spent just under two hours on the phone (I may talk more about this in a bit, I may not) and then I took my girls out to buy clothes. Those two need to STOP growing. We stopped for dinner, came home and I watched a DVR’d show while I ate and here it is, this late already. Where does the time go?

As part of my goal to write seriously this year, I’m taking baby steps, which means I’m working on my creative voice by blogging. I’m pretty sure it’s not so much my creative voice that’s getting the work-out as much as my actual voice, since what I've been writing is hardly fiction. But like I said, baby steps.

So, back to this phone call; how nice is it to be able to talk to someone who you actually relate to on quite a few levels? To find out you've both read the same book series (and it wasn't what I’d call one of my “easy read fluff “ series either, but George R.R. Martin) and be able to talk about the characters and whether we thought the author could be having trouble with the direction his characters should be going next...priceless. Can’t wait to see what other random things we may have in common. I think I should do much more listening than talking in the future though. I’m certain I can learn a lot. I will RARELY, if ever, say that about someone. That’s a good thing. No, that’s a GREAT thing!

That brings me to serendipity. Actually, I should say serendipity was brought to me. I think that shall be my post tomorrow; all about serendipity.

*Sorry I have no pictures tonight...just too tired to be bothered.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Natural Selection via Inbox


In an attempt to get back into the habit of writing, I have a feeling some of my blog posts shall be a tad on the, well, useless side. I’m certainly not going to try and change anyone’s life, if I can make you chuckle or even think of something aside from the mundane worries of life, my job here is done for the day. I’ll leave the life improvement and highly intellectual posts to my friend Mark McIntyre. Feel free to check out his blog here Today in 2013. (That's him below...he likes cake)

Okay, if you’re still here reading useless fluff (and not busy perving Mark), today’s topic is similar (in a way) to my post yesterday about categorizing people (Categorizing Relationships). While cleaning out my inbox (does anyone even communicate through emails anymore?), I realized that I archive all of the messages but a few. It made me wonder about that. So here’s what I realized.

     #1 If you haven’t talked to me in a day or two, 
                          you get archived.

#2 If I don’t really care one way or another about talking to you, you get archived .                   

When I was done, I only had two left in my inbox. I was a tad surprised by who they were. But it did make me smile. Was it any surprise it was a couple of wee Scotsman?

So how about you? Do you archive messages, delete them, or just let them sit where they are?


Sunday, January 6, 2013

Categorizing Relationships


After having an in-depth conversation with a friend today, I thought our discussion would make an interesting blog post (well, interesting to me, anyway). I admitted to categorizing my relationships with men. Here’s the break down in my world:

Has potential
Friendzoned
Tolerated But Not Exiled (yet)
Exiled

Has Potential:
This category is usually reserved for men whom I just met, although most men I meet go straight to the “Tolerated But Not Exiled (yet)” category. Starting out in this category is rather simple. Remaining in it is not. Intelligence is a BIG factor. Carrying on a conversation (two-sided) seems to be rare these days. I’ll admit to becoming bored far too easily. Keep me involved in a conversation using wit and humor is a sure way to remain in this category longer than most. If the only thing you can seem to discuss is sex, you won’t last (ask my last serious boyfriend about THIS one…yes, I mean you Andrew). 
Friendzoned:
Usually the only exit you can take from this is down. Either “Tolerated But Not Exiled (yet)” or straight to “Exiled “ depending on what you do to remove yourself from the "Friendzone". I love my guy friends. I get along better with men than women most of the time. Now, I will admit to a few rare gray areas in this category. The men in those gray areas are more than aware they are exceptions. If a man in the “Friendzone” wonders if he falls into the gray area, probably NOT. I can only think of about three men total that fall into this area. Maybe four. Maybe. 
Tolerated But Not Exiled (yet):
Some men are a tad thick in the skull. When I’m actually super bitchy to you on a regular basis, odds are, I don’t really like you. I’m not playing some flirtatious game. If I like you, you’ll know it. I’m rather straight forward and honest. Don’t like games. Hate them in fact. Once in this category, it’s usually only a matter of time before you end up “Exiled”. This works on Facebook, but it’s a tad harder in real life (like when it comes to a job setting), but trust me, it can be done.
 Exiled:
At this point, you have no use to me. I could care less one way or another. If we do speak, it’s very formal and rare (think ex-husbands). Much like being “Friendzoned”, it’s rare to leave this category, although I do have a few who have, but they fall into the gray area of “Friendzoned”, so not good examples.

So there you have it. I wonder how my categories would differ from a man’s? If anyone cares to compare, be sure you comment or message me. If you blog about it, let me know and I’ll link it here. I love seeing the way other people think!


Saturday, January 5, 2013

Don't Ask If You Don't Want To Know!


Truth…some say it can set you free. But does it really? I’m an overly honest person, it’s not that I don’t ever screw up, I do, I just tend to own my screw ups. I also give my opinions freely, which some people don’t always appreciate. Go figure. 
So, when asked a question, I will always give you an honest answer. I figure if you can’t handle the truth, you wouldn't ask. So why is it that we ask certain questions that may have answers we don’t necessarily want to hear? Curiosity? Insecurity? Stupidity?

Whatever the reason, if you ask it, suck it up and don’t blame the person who answered the question honestly. Not their fault you’re an idiot.
 Case in point, I asked someone a question, not really expecting the answer I got. Twice. Both times it felt as though I had been kicked in the chest by a Clydesdale. Both times I got answers I not only didn't expect, I really regretted hearing.

I think in the past, I would have pouted and been all butt-hurt. Now, I realize the fault was mine and mine alone. Honesty should never be punished. I respect that fact. It doesn't change the pain that honesty caused.

I think I've grown substantially (obviously I still have a lot to learn) in the last few years. I can look back and clearly see why I've done things the way I did. I don’t have any regrets. Not a one. Everything happened the way it was supposed to. Living life can often be a messy business. But at least I’m living, not just existing any more. I spent too much of my adult life doing just that. 
So you take the good with the bad. Feelings make you know you’re alive; whether it’s love, hate, anger, hurt or forgiveness. I can also say without any reservation, one person’s honesty has no bearing on how I may or may not feel. I feel because I do…not because I’m influenced by anyone or anything. Some days I wish it wasn't that way, but I've learned to accept and even embrace the fact that I'm a very emotion-based creature. And I’m okay with that. It’s better than being emotionally dead inside. That’s no way to live.

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